I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
