you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
