pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize