YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
