call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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