I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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