K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
