So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His hands were made for my vagina.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
