hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize