I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize