Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
