What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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