i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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