God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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