If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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