Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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