I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
