false alarm. still invincible.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
