we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
