I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize