i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
