VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
