textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize