guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
