Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting married
To pizza
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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