I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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