So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
