best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
