just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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