oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
