you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
