Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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