I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
