you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
