Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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