i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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