so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
