And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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