Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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