ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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