i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
