So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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