I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
