I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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