i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
