need another drink. this is the easiest way
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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