I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
