Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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