Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
