Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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