if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
