best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
