I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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