Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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