She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
