Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
