Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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