Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
