I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
