Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
