no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
