Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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