he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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