I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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