Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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