this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize