So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dick very happy bro
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
