respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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