The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
