ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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