you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize