shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
