Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
